Shi Pei .L: Reverie

Saturday, August 27, 2016

101 ways to say i love you.

i love you
you look beautiful today
your dress looks great on you
thank you for spending time with me
it's raining outside dont forget your umbrella
don't forget your coat it's cold outside.
let's go for lunch
do you need me to get you lunch
eat more
are you feeling better
how are you feeling today
stay strong
remember to sleep early and drink up.
don't forget your greens
don't overexert yourself.
i'll be here for you
without you im incomplete
thank you for staying by my side
i appreciate you.
don't skip your meals
prioritize
i'll give you sometime alone
anything that makes you happy
thank you for all that you've done for me.
don't burn midnight oil
you're in my prayer
tough times will pass with me around
how was your day
here's your favourite candy
i bought you your pen refills i supposed they run out
i got you coffee for staying up late last night
your hair looks amazing
im proud of you, always.
how's school and family?
good luck on your ____________
just stoppping by to see you because you matter
is your injury recovering smoothly
lets go for a movie
call me when you're home
don't let anyone bully you and tell me if they do
read the note i left for you, keep going
take a nap i'll be awake to wake you up
i care
don't forget you're loved by me
take the bus home the train is packed
cab to school its raining today
don't get caught in the rain you'll catch fever
i got you
here's 2 tickets to your favorite museum
lets go on a study date
can we spend some time now just talking and catching up
can we put work aside
your smile makes my day better
your absence makes my heart empty
you're my priority
i am sorry
thanks for staying when you could have not
let's go for a walk
we can talk later finish your work first
we'll spend more time together tonight
tell me what happened
i'm listening
yes you are right
maybe you should have done otherwise, but thats okay
you're a blessing to me
thank you for the date
i enjoyed myself today thank you for planning
i love all the heart to heart conversations we had
thank you for constantly making me feel important
i trust you
it's okay if we spend time with others, i know we're better than this
can we talk
don't give up
sleep in on sunday
take a break
don't take fast food you're falling sick
i'll wash the dishes for you
i'll make breakfast tomorrow
i bought you dinner
i'll get you chocolates as an encouragement
just try your best
you're good enough
i hope you're feeling better
i'll hug you later
just cry it all out alright
you did your best
don't worry
better days are coming
rain will make the flowers grow
you'll get better
you did a great job
i'll send you home tonight
don't procrastinate
your mean so much to me
just be yourself
i believe in you
i know you can do it
you're almost there
trust yourself
life's going to get better.

“Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth.

Monday, August 08, 2016

"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely." - Roald Dahl
do you ever have confliction within yourself on whether you should keep or drop people because their actions and words just don't coincide and it's ~~hurting~~ impacting you so much it's affecting your self esteem but you refuse to admit they're actually so important to you? you just can't sit well knowing how they're so alright with your emotions unsettled and there's no way you can bring things up and clear the air with them because the trust bridge is completely shattered on insincerity?
shower thoughts become self-doubting sessions of am-i-good-enough, and you know other people who want to see you be like this are doing this intentionally, but you choose to let them crumble you piece by piece, layer by layer, until there's nothing left. you know its not good for you, but you can't get out of the negative thoughts that's sinking you incredibly, unconsciously, because everyone seems to think that's what you should be doing and you simply follow it.

recently life hasn't been as smooth sailing as i would want it to be, but after-all we all have our nadirs and zenith that's why i'm here with my word vomit. it's almost the time of the year where honeymoon period turns stale and everything starts to sink because you no longer have the extra energy to hold things up after trying to get past the day but everyday i tell myself to remain stalwart and courageous in tough situations and brave through the storm with true friends i can count on at my my fingertips.

today as i lie in my bed with my laptop and blankets tucked i just want to tell you that you're beautiful and wonderfully loved and you should never let anyone put you down no matter how good you think they are. self-esteem is real, and it is important. those who loves you will always do, no matter how the rest sees you. keep your chin up and let learnt how to let go of toxic people in your life and take time to differentiate between those who are genuine and those who aren't. let no one stifle your self-esteem, ever.

"Self-esteem isn't everything, it's just that there's nothing without it." - Gloria Steinem

its not saying one should always think they're way too self-satisfied with themselves because my grandma always tells me too good of anything is always bad.

"you're too pretty to be here."
"you're too good for me."
"your pasta is too cooked."

you see.

there'll be times where you can feel bad about yourself and you simply find no light in the tunnel but trust me the discomfort of the dark tunnel will bring you great light at the end of the tunnel, so next give up, and press on. before you know it, you might start seeings things in a better light, where your thoughts are happy again, and never dreading to wake up ever.

there'll be good times and bad times, and its the same for everyone, always remember.

till the next time,

Instagram // s.hipei

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youtube // Shi Pei

Friday, January 01, 2016

mini annoucement

Monday, December 28, 2015

2015

Sunday, December 27, 2015

perception of love

Friday, November 20, 2015

latest update

Saturday, April 11, 2015

3/4 limbs injured?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Friday, March 20, 2015

march holiday thoughts

warning; this is a very wordy post!!!!

ever since school started this year or even perhaps last year things were never on the right track for me and i even had thoughts of doubting myself, thinking if it was my fault that everything happen. even till today, it might actually be my fault, but at least having a break or mini get away stops me from thinking/ harping about things that will never happen - until the cows come home.

a few things that this holiday made me discern:

you are fine and okay and you'd always be. even if you aren't right now, one day you will.
don't ever be afraid to reject people. whenever you feel you should, just say no. no i can't do this. no i don't want to. no i don't wish to see you. just say no.
nobody is ever always okay, and it's always okay to be not okay at all.
everyday is a new chance to restart a new life, never wait for opportunities to come.
start learning to love being with yourself and its okay to not be in the crowd at all.
love yourself before you can love others, because nobody is going to love you if you don't.
bad hair days, bad face days, bad days are fine. and quotidian.
always do your best even if you think its not good enough. nothing will ever stop you from being better but yourself, so as long as you keep trying one day you will realize that you already the best that you can be.
not everyone express love/anything the same way you accept/ need, but it doesn't mean the love they give is lesser. from saying ilys to buying you a drink when you need, its all the same, yet different in psychological terms, but it doesn't mean the love it lesser/better. never look down/ differently on people who express things differently. we are all the same.
don't carry faith for people who don't have faith in themselves. let them go.
not everybody is going to love you, but there's always somebody who would (ilysm btw)
stand up for yourself when you should, because people would rarely protect you to hurt themselves.
always account for your own mistakes and own up for the wrong doings you've done.
don't let them tell you otherwise for the things you love or the talents you have.
don't you depend on anyone but yourself. strive for the things you want by yourself - be it happiness, finance or even a meal. you can do it yourself.
STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO MAKES YOU U N H A P P Y , EVEN IF THEY SEEM TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE YOU SMILE.

"even the beaming, roaring sun has its days of thunder and lightnings."

there are people who i know actually came up to me and ask me why do i seem so happy all the time?

i guess the answer to your question isn't 100% correct, but perhaps what you see in me is just the public persona.

i won't deny that i try to be intensively, genuinely happy all the time, especially in the years of growing up, but there are still days in a crowded room yet i feel so alone.

growing up made me realize its okay to have days staying in a corner of the party to read a book when everyone else seem to high and radiant, but most importantly i realized that i'm not who i used to perceive to be - a person with negative thoughts and thinking that they are always not up there/ not good enough - well, if you're reading this and you actually have the mentality like this, trust me. let go of the thoughts, people and things that pull you down to strive to be/feel better and happier. be it a new pen, friend, room, school, life. revamp the things that make you unhappy to be a happier person/ the person who you really strive to be.

school for the past few months made me rethink about myself, but im so thankful that this march holidays got me restarted. i wouldn't even bother denying about how much pain school has given me - **** you if you judge me for being weak/ not strong enough - not just the work, the people who add up to the stress that was drowning me, to give me thoughts that i was a depressed kid.

in life there will be places/ people you dread to go/see, but the society forces you to meet them everyday for survival.

some people would simply say nobody can force you if you aren't willing to do so, then can i ask you, if i hate people, would you kindly sponsor me a deserted island to stay there myself?

no. so suck it up and keep moving forward.

i wont say that i'm a very good person because there are days i hated things so much i wanted them to disappear - eg. myself. - in fact some days i think im not worthy of the people who love me or the things i have, but other days i just dread the people who make me so unhappy that i wished they would disappear instead.

all in all i realized something which was staring at me all this while.

you choose the things/people you want to be with and the mentality yourself. you can be in a room full of negativity, but it isn't going to get into you if you choose not to. you can be with people who makes you unhappy, but you either suck it up and stay happy or let them go. if you don't choose to change, you choose to stay.

let go of the people who makes you unhappy because the life is yours, the unhappiness they cause would be in you, not even them.

Friday, February 06, 2015

break-free

THIS IS A 200% LATE POST AND IM 300% SORRY.
helloooooo im so sorry that i hadn't update for like 3weekss :((((

school reopened and i had a hardtime struggling with the usual school stuff but i promise i'm balancing and getting better now so please be patient with me!!

"basically school taught me how to get ready in 10 mins "

i've been trying to get my life in order because basically it took me 15 years to realise that my life is in a big mess, and this year i hope i'd get to kick off all the bad habits and get better!!

when i started typing this post its the start of January, but now January is coming to an end soon and i haven even finish?!?!? (wttff??!!)

as promise i'll try to update as much as i can, in fact i have a lot of unfinished drafts-just to show pack my life is- and im trying my best to juggle between everything.

2015 has been a better year for me and i really hope itd get even better and end of perfectly, seeing the days when i was a freshman to a sophomore and now a senior, i don't even know how time passes so fast. gone were the days i used to dread secondary school (i actually still do but not the people but the work) and now its almost ending!!!

speaking about the work, sorry for MIA-ing because every night im trying to best to finish the to-dos of the day that i hardly get a breather. i had to stop all the funs and activities that i used to do to relax, and yes, it really feels really, really bad.

i wouldn't deny singapore education is tough, but as people say, " you pay for what you want"

i don't find singapore that's expensive even tho everybody is complaining. comparing to our neighbouring countries, life here is definitely much more expensive BUT we has better standard of living as well.
comparing to other developed countries i honestly dont find singapore expensive AT ALL.

i survived January but it blinked past. ((sorry for taking one whole month to type this. im finally done))

as usual i have test everyday and unfinish-able homework so please bear with me!!

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Note to self:

Monday, December 29, 2014

2015 new year's resolution

Monday, December 29, 2014

introspecting my 2014

2014's has been fine so far. i wouldn't use the term amazing or even great because there was times i really wasn't coping, especially after MTDC ended, when school starts to get tough and competitions get high, people start turning cold and lives without humanity started blooming with stress of school. just school. everything about school be it ccas, studies, grades and even just people. but i'm coping. i can't explain my gratitude in words of how thankful i am for the people who went through thick and thin with me, to be there for me at my worst, for making my life better -not saying my life sucks and im attracting attention for being pitiful - than usual. so much better like the sunshine on my gloomy days. you guys definitely deserve me at my very best.

again, i wouldn't say 2014 is terrible because its been a year of good music, good gourmet, good books, good friends, new friends but i honestly wouldn't deny there's times i want it any other way.

its part of my growing up years where you regret the stupid things you do in the days where you were younger. can't believe this time last year i was still freaking out over stupid little problems of my life, not actually realising what was the right choices for me or even planning for greater hurdles that were coming along the way, causing regrets this year due to lack of preparation. ive learnt many life lessons through the hard way, falling down the highest peak of the mountain. even so, it taught me to accept the things i couldn't change and work your way through those you can change, and not never give up because the skies are always the darkest, right before dawn.

not going to lie or sugarcoat anything but this year but even through all these things, i'm glad some things turned out the way it did because ever since that point of my life i've seen so much and i've learnt tons of things - i'm still extremely blessed and thankful, not saying i'll stop learning, because "the more know learn the less i know". i definitely thank god for the people who stood by me throughout my darkest times and telling me not to give up in life. the irony about all your identities was that i got to know all of you guys through the dark pillars of my life, just like angels who come down in battles of my life, and i'm extremely thankful for your presence. people come and go, but for now, you guys never left.

"positive thinking will let you do better than negative thinking ever will" - zigziglar

"ive learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you make them feel" - maya angelou

i wanted to show you guys some photos of the best moments of my 2014, but nah. next year would be fine, for i have learnt the life lessons the hard way to be ready for greater hurdles in life. forgive and forget, god blesssss.

until the next time, xoxo,
Shi Pei

Thursday, November 27, 2014

diary entry 101

helloooooo sorry i hadn't been updating recently because i'm of busy ((having fun)) in the holidays and i have so many drafts with tons of pictures hahahaha i'll upload them asap soon when i have the time.

I was feeling really down a few days back((but im okay already thanks to my lovely friends!!)) due to some personal stress and pressure which basically was all about me being stupid and thinking the grass on the other side is always greener and believing some idiot that im in a disadvantage situation but not the grass is greener where you freaking water it.

like seriously now thinking back i seriously think i'm dumb for accepting the fact that i was in the disadvantage situation and i should just give up and go somewhere else. i was totally lost without determination just waiting for time to pass until my friends come about telling to i had to figure a way out and nobody can help me if i dont want to and i had to find a way out to clear that freaking obstacle.

even my parents knew that i was in such a bad mood so we had a 3 generation dinner after my performance with my loveliest grandma ((who gave me a lot of inspiration, advices and encouragement i swear i love her okay she's the cutest and coolest)) with my boy cousies that were secute and cheerful like going out with them is just overwhelming of adorableness

I'm late for posting this sorry my internet was really weak and the photos wouldn't load ((but nothing much just my photos))

Disclaimer: this photos are MOSTLY candids of my lil cousy (one twins and one just a guy), and mostly i mean 95% with other addition to food and group photos. so don't bother looking if you aren't exactly into young cute kids LOL

trying to make them take a hug photo but the younger one just doesn't cooperate

unglam but like finally right

when i was snapping this the older one (back facing) shouted he's my best brother ever and everybody was staring. such sweetness. blessed little kids.